The Internet's Most Obvious Lies

I knew a friend named Douglass, he changed his name to Doug and immediately stopped existing. Everyone around started applauding.

"anyone watching this, do u know a doug? u dont"
*my dad evaporates*

"teachers don't say that"
Yeah you're clearly Canadian

The one about the kid and his sister smoking 5 weeds & going to McDonald’s is true. Trust me I was the stop sign.

“A teacher would never call a student an idiot”
One of my favorite teachers once looked at my friend and I, gestured to our heads, and said “Wow, there really is nothin goin on up there”. American public school teachers who only have a few years till retirement are ruthless, they’re not getting paid nearly enough and they have nothing to lose.

Once, I was at Starbucks getting my iced coffee when a rude teenage girl told the worker to hurry up. I told that girl that she was a mistake and then took a gallon of skim milk and dumped it on her head. Out of embarrassment, she straight up evaporated. The entirety of the universe applauded and praised me for my bravery! Oh and did I mention, I’m a female!!! Everyone in the Starbucks DEMANDED that I become the new face for the Starbucks logo. And that’s how I became the governor of Uranus.

A good example of how little Kurtis understands schooling outside of Canada.
Teachers are not always these heroic underpaid overstressed people who deserve better.
Sometimes they just suck.

Kurtis: "Doug isn't a name that exists"
Old Nickelodeon watchers are just mad lol

I spit my coffee out when he said “laugh my ass of of of of of f- f-“

i actually had the classroom peeing story happen to me in preschool- i asked the teacher (who was so mean) if i could go to the bathroom and she said no, so i went back to my seat and just peed in my seat. my parents had to bring me a clean pair of underwear and pants and when they asked why she didn’t let me go, she said she thought i would’ve asked again if i really needed to go.

This video was so funny that I actually went on America’s got talent and played it on the projector for everyone to see. The whole audience and even the judges clapped.

"A teacher would never do that!"
- thinks about the time a teacher was harassing and bullying a disabled kid in the hall front of everyone - haha yes they would.

When you said “bad friend, BAD” I had to tell my pup she was a good girl cuz she thought that was being said to her

“do you know a doug? of course you don’t !”
my science teacher, who is named doug: *violently fades into the air*

"Hey how ya doin, and if your coming back, hey how ya doin, its really great to see you again"
-not kurtis in this video

One time a robber came into my house, he painted a gun at me and said “at the end of this gun is someone who’s about to die” I sat and smiled and replied with “which end are you referring too” he seemed shocked so he shot himself on the spot! I’m pretty sure the whole jury applauded me!!!😂😂

Can we just talk about how fucking cute his dog is🥰🐩

i used to tell all my friends that i was rich and had 2 invisible unicorns that i rode to school everyday and they believed me for some reason

5:10 I can believe that one. My elementary school teacher didn’t let us use the bathroom, so this one kid got up and pissed in the trash can. My brother had a similar story with someone pissing on the classroom floor

Honest to god, I had a teacher in 7th grade that told a kid they sucked and the kid replied "you swallow." The class didn't clap but they all went "oooooo" really loudly and the kid got written up.

Kurtis: “a teacher would never call you an idiot.”
Oh Kurtis. You haven’t seen the American public school system.

One thing about the teacher ruler story, some teachers definitely are assholes like that, and I did have teachers literally take kids in front of the class and ridicule them. Usually older teachers, but it's definitely a thing that happens.

one time while on our way back from a trip to the waterpark, my stomach was aching badly and I was almost on the verge of tears. a girl in my class asked me what was up, and I straight up made up a story about being adopted and missing my real parents just so she wouldn't laugh at my crying face 🚶🏾‍♂️

The only time I've ever had someone clap when I said something was when I was in the student union in the 7th grade, and I brought up that my class wanted more pancakes for lunch.

actually a similar thing happened when I was in 2nd grade, a special need kid asked the teacher to go to the bathroom and she refused, then the kid went to the back of the class and stood there and pissed, but no one clapped for her

one time i met zendaya at hooters and and we started to talk to each other when we ran into lady gaga and she started screaming at zendaya that she was italian and zendaya argued back that’s she wasn’t and they started repeatedly stabbing each other when i pulled them apart and then everyone at hooters immediately started clapping and that’s how we became a throuple.

in every crazy scenario i’m in from now on i’m gonna slow clap so when they tell the stupid story later and i’m in it clapping no one will believe them

When I was 10 my math teacher said I can’t go to the toilet, so I knocked him out and the hole class stared clapping.

9:03 I can kind of see that happening.. however I think that person fabricated the text with his dad. I think the teacher part could’ve happened, but he didn’t message his dad, and the dad didn’t say that. in my middle school we had a drill Sargent teacher who would throw desks and yell and swear at us, that’s why I can see that happening

Bruh the one with the ruler can be very true, in my country teachers can be mean as hell. Can bring you in front of the classroom to publicly shame you. Happened to me at 7.

Kurtis: Doug isn’t a name that exists
My tech teacher named Doug: *There is an idiot at the end of this ruler*

Maybe I'm just from the usa but this girl actually peed in the back of my math class in 8th grade. No one clapped. It was awful. My poor teacher did not deserve that.

I have done the stop sign thing. In my high ass defense, it wasn't an hour and a half, it was like a minute.

Kurtis must have had awesome teachers and a lovely school.

that peeing one is probably at least partially true... i remember when i was in middle school there was a girl who peed on her teacher's desk bc the teacher said she couldn't go to the bathroom.

I swear, when I was in middle school, my teacher hated me so when we went on a field trip to a museum, she turned into a she-demon and tried to murder me. Then, I slayed her with a magic sword. Everyone started clapping, it was so cool.

One time I went to my cousins house and tried to steal his game boy. His little brother caught me as I was leaving. I immediately grabbed him and did a sick backflip out of their window from the second floor. I summoned my friend and we used the power of friendship to throw him to Kansas. Their cats witnessed the whole thing and immediately started clapping for us. Their neighbor Doug saw us too and also did a slow clap as he help and car seat with a watermelon in it. Doug told the mayor about the story and I was crowned Real Punk of the entire earth. All in all I got my cousins game boy

When I was in my sophmore year my English teacher said I was gonna be a failure if I didn't get my many missing assignments done. So I at least believe the "getting called an idiot" part

Lmao I remember this one time when I was still in school, I was telling my friends at lunchtime about Mark Zuckerberg giving me candy on Halloween and then HE ACTUALLY broke into our school while my friends’s jaws dropped! They’re not my friends anymore because the whole school clapped for me

One time when I was in class (I'm the really quiet type) the teacher called on the really preppy girl and asked her what's 18376x7=? And she said 5😭 and I stood up and said "your so dumb!!?" And then she said "okay then, what's the answer?" And I said the answer very quickly and everyone started clapping slowly and that's how I became the master and ruler of the universe ☺️

How to find out someone is lying:
1. Clapping
2. Doug
3. Watermelon in a seatbelt

I tried to convince someone I didn't like in 1st grade I could read with my eyes closed. Solely because she'd always lie to me. It didn't work
But another time in second grade we determined the macaroni was b e a u t y (Not bad considering it was school food, but still on school food level lol) and that same girl said she knew the recipe to a REALLY gullible girl in my class. It was hilarious to watch that girl panic after the other one asked her what the recipe was.

Kurtis: teachers don’t call you idiots!
My French teacher who called someone a disappointment and a mistake because he wore a hat in class:

Here’s my sounds like a lie story: So yesterday, I was driving to work and pull up to a stoplight, on my tight in the right-turning lane pulls up a cop. I look over at him and he’s looking over at me too. I thought it was a bit odd, but maybe he’s just being a cop and surveying his surroundings, so I didn’t think much of it, so when the light turns green I start accelerating normally like you’d do with a cop next to you. All of a sudden, the cop I thought was gonna turn right starts hella speeding next to me, and as I look over the cop was still just staring me down as he dusted my ass, knowing that if was to speed up too he could pull me over.
I got quarter mile raced by an actual police officer.

when i was in elementary school i used to tell everyone that my uncle had a pet monkey and that my parents were out of town for a few months (they weren't) and i was staying with my uncle. everyone kept asking to bring him to school and i had to just keep procrastinating until i said my parents came back early and my uncle had to go away for college. he was already in college states away and my parents picked me up from school everyday. this was a very stressful lie to keep up.

Kurtis smoking pot is both so damn in character and very surprising at the same time. Dunno which

“It doesn’t take 1hr30m to go to McDonald’s!”
The McDonald’s drive through: you must be mistaken

I never thought these were lies lmao. I still automatically believe them i think they’re funny and hope some of them are true

A girl in my school used to lie a lot, she said she was off sick once and sent us a picture of a Canula in her arm when “she was in hospital”
First image when you search google….
Seriously though I think when people are doing it on this personal level they must have some real shit they are going through

I have a legitimate story about clapping-in middle school, my 7th grade science class clapped for everything. Someone forgot their lunchbox? Clap on their way in and out. Substitute teacher? Clap. Someone has to leave early? Applause. Someone can’t come in? Standing ovation. Insanity.

If you're so high you can't tell what a stop sign is, you *definitely* shouldn't be driving.

That red light at a stop thing happened to me once, I was distracted thinking about some bs and pretty high as well. But it took me maybe 5 seconds to realize my mistake. Still feel silly about it but my brain gets distracted easily lol

in third grade, me and my class took a field trip. we walked to hardy’s. we didn’t buy anything, just sat there. they made us take bathroom buddies and my buddy said that the guy in the stall next to him was moaning. i clapped

My friend in highschool did the "waiting for the stop sign to turn" while stoned but we pointed it out to her and we kept going. An hour seems insane.

Here’s a quick tip for the internet!
If someone ends a story with “and he/she/they/etc. clapped” *it’s most likely fake*

When I was 6, I told all of my friends I was pregnant. Then they all started clapping

a middle school teacher of mine literally told a kid to not "think so hard, don't hurt yourself" but like, she was joking and he was being a smartass so. 🤷

I'd believe the teacher one cuz I've had some interesting teachers in my time, although I'm older and it was in thelate 80's, early 90's - one teacher legit tried to physically force me outside without a jacket in winter because I hadn't gotten to the library fast enough during the second period of lunch when nobody was allowed to be in the halls. Another teacher called us names repeatedly, it wasn't a great school, it was a very small town and a lot of teachers got away with abuse.

My mom and I have “waited for a stop sign to turn green” but 1: it was like 10 seconds max, and 2: it was an intersection that used to have a light and had been changed to a four way stop. Without number two for context….. why would you think that.

I convinced my bf that pirates invented onions and he went and told everyone to show how smart he was for knowing that fact. It was hilarious.

I think Kurtis never went to a ghetto school... I constantly saw teachers calling kids stupid. One time a teacher and student spent 15 minutes arguing and calling each other fat.

Man, if I was you're friend I would have been like "wow you did some great acting in that movie." just to see your reaction.

I told my history class in 6th grade that my great grandma was the little girl that Cal saved on Titanic and showed them an old pic of an old relative being held by a guy near a boat.. The relative was actually my aunt being held by my grandpa in very obviously clothes from the 60s and they were going on a boat tour somewhere on the Great Lakes or something, so it was nowhere near the size of the Titanic. I'm not sure how many people believed me. I just wanted to seem cool. It didn't work.

One time I was in class and the teacher told me to answer a question so I jumped out the window, pooped out a car and everyone clapped

The only time anyone has ever clapped for me in a regular situation was when I was in driver's training and I parallel parked. It wasn't because I did so awesome or whatever.. everyone clapped for everyone

Floor? Peed on.
Teacher? Enraged.
Clapping? Slow.

When I was a kid, I was home schooled until 4th grade, and I didnt really know how to interact with other kids. About 2 weeks in, I had convinced everyone in my class that I was born in japan, and this was my first year in america. I dont even remember why or how it came up, but I just remember telling kids that as a kid

In first grade I convinced a boy that I was a witch and my “castle house” was in the sky and you couldn’t see it because of the clouds

This one time I was at school and someone threw a water bottle at the back of my head. I could hear them laughing but little do they know I have master reflexes. I turned around and caught the flying water bottle in the blink of an eye! All the water flew back in the bottle and they were so shocked. I went up to them, grabbed their collars, and sewed them together. Then everybody clapped

When I was around 8 years old, I convinced basically my whole school that I was Eminem’s younger brother… he actually looked a lot like him at the time so I had “proof”. One person I met again years later still thought it was true 😂😂
Some of the shit we come up as kids trying to be cool haha

This reminded me of the time I was in kindergarten and my teacher told me “at the end of this block is an idiot” and then I said “well what end your holding the block?” and then the teacher went and took a pee in the corner and all the other children clapped and then my father Doug came to pick me up and I became the principle of the school

There actually are teachers in my school who call their students idiots and faliures. They usually get fired though.

you know what would be funny? if someone who made the comments found this video and commented and it became a whole argument that would be great, also kurtis your amazing

That story about the girl peeing in class reminds me when I read Bryan Cranstons memoir and he told a story about how when he was on Malcolm in the middle the woman who played the grandma wasn't allowed to go use the bathroom when shooting so she legit took a cup and took a piss then and there and handed it off to a crew guy. It sounds fake but actors are weird so I believe it.

I actually believe the girl pissing in the classroom one. Some schools are absolutely unhinged. More outrageous things have happened in my old high school

Ima start clapping after a random person does something so that if they try to share it online everyone will think they’re lying

Also had something similar to the first story in high school but it was a lot more boring and sad; we had a girl who asked to go to the bathroom several times but kept being told no. She she started to look like, panicked and in pain and got more desperate before eventually she actually peed her pants. She was really embarrassed and started crying. The teacher was horrified and immediately sent her out of the room, the whole class just sat in a stunned awkward silence. That girl transferred classes and the teacher never refused a kid who needed to go to the bathroom again.
That is how that situation goes in reality.

One time at school my teacher gave me homework. I immediately stood up and peed all over it like it was newspaper!! The whole class slow clapped for me while I threw the piss-soaked science papers into my teachers purse 😂😂😂 the principle came over the intercom and told me I would get a statue and bench made in my honor!!

As sad as it is to say, some do genuinely shit-talk their kids. My French teacher in highschool constantly called us idiots and morons.

kurtis: no teacher would ever call their student an idiot
my elementary school: *sweating intensifies*

all the clapping makes me think that all those lies were written by bitter theater kids

I can say with certainty that a teacher would in fact say something like that

One time I told my friend I was an alien and he said “shut up” and I told him to shut up and everyone started clapping and then I slept with his girlfriend

now i feel like a real life dumb ass, thanks kurtis, lmao!!! I have waited for a stop sign to turn green like i was at a red light!!!

When I was 2 minutes old, I told my mom I didn't ask to be born and by making me they just proved they were slaves to societal expectations. All the doctors and nurses started clapping.

that one girl really said "I guess I'll just piss on the floor"
she was makin' it stinky

one teacher at our school was actually that weird💀she sweared a lot and also flipped off one of my classmates, my classmate challenged and annoyed her but still

Sometime ago I went to a friends house with a few other people. We started to play games and I suggest truth or dare. They all agreed. So after a few games I had a brilliant idea! “Hey Becy, truth or dare?” “Truth” she said to me. “Do you have anything to let off your shoulders?”
She gave me a blank stare. This caused her to confess about her long forgotten suppressed memories that were to traumatic! I have no idea why this caused her to do so. Becy then broke down crying. She thanked me because she really needed a good cry. We’re now closer friends and I let her vent to me. Soon I plan on doing something special for her..

Alright so I can say the stop sign thing has actually happened once or twice, but it’s usually like 5-10 seconds max lol

"A teacher would never call you an idiot" is the most Canadian thing Kurtis has ever said.

You know they’re lying because they narrate everything the same way they write crappy fiction on Wattpad.

I actually did stop at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green when I was high one time. Me & my friend. Lmaoo we didn’t sit there that long but I was just sitting there for a few seconds & no cars were coming & we just looked at each other & started busting out laughing because both of us just realized we were just sitting there for no reason & didn’t think any thing was wrong with it. I didn’t literally think it would turn green but I was just sitting like I was waiting for a green light. We smoked a lot lol all the time.

Sometimes I just stare into space in the bus imagining stuff like this and its hard not to look at someone.

The only story I have that sounds like one of these posts is the time when I properly identified Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman in a Language Arts class based on the memory I had of a comic strip or something when we weren't even on that unit yet and, like, 3 people clapped respectfully

The teacher example actually seems pretty real to me, pretty much everything up until the slow clap happened pretty often at my high school. We had a lot of kids from rich families and quite a few teachers who were already retired and had a ton of money so everybody was just fucking rude all the time. This definitely caused some pretty intense problems every once in a while like when the "Math Lab"(stoopid people math class that I had the pleasure of being in) teacher got fired when a student was talking shit to him and he flipped the students desk over with them in it.
Hell, I had my financial literacy teacher make fun of me for my weight because he asked the class who the parent company of Snickers was and I knew the answer.

How to spot a lie: “and they started clapping”

haha the ruler one reminded me of a teacher in secondary school (UK), he used to throw pens at and around us if we annoyed him it actually was quite funny. Luckily no-one was harmed too bad

I did have a ton of people clap for me once cuz I managed to show up to a ski resort the same time someone else left and got a parking spot. I guess everyone else had been circling for who knows how long. It was honestly really weird.

everyone clapping in these stories is like when in low budget movies when the side/background characters start watching when the main characters are arguing

“Ive smoked a few joints in my time” bro you’re wearing a beanie indoors. We can tell