Lying On The Internet For Attention

My 1 year old daughter just said her first words! She rapped the entire Hamilton musical! And she did the choreography! And the entire country started clapping! Then some government agents came and took her away for testing or something. Hopefully they'll give her back at some point.

no cap my mom was yelling at the delivery man and my dog physically said, "only I can yell at them!" and proceeded to transform into cinderella. All the dogs in the neighborhood escaped and barked in approval.

As someone who would definitely say “phones don’t belong at school” when they were a kid I can confirm that that lady’s son is a loser.

My son's first words were "According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly.Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.Ooh, black and yellow!Let's shake it up a little.Barry! Breakfast is ready!Coming!Hang on a second.Hello?Barry?Adam?Can you believe this is happening?I can't.I'll pick you up.Looking sharp.Use the stairs, Your father paid good money for those.Sorry. I'm excited.Here's the graduate.We're very proud of you, son.A perfect report card, all B's.Very proud.Ma! I got a thing going here.You got lint on your fuzz.Ow! That's me!Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.Bye!Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!Hey, Adam.Hey, Barry.Is that fuzz gel?A little. Special day, graduation.Never thought I'd make it.Three days grade school, three days high school.Those were awkward.Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around The Hive.You did come back different.Hi, Barry. Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.Hear about Frankie?Yeah.You going to the funeral?No, I'm not going.Everybody knows, sting someone, you die.Don't waste it on a squirrel.Such a hothead.I guess he could have just gotten out of the way.I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day.That's why we don't need vacations.Boy, quite a bit of pomp under the circumstances.Well, Adam, today we are men.We are!Bee-men.Amen!Hallelujah!Students, faculty, distinguished bees,please welcome Dean Buzzwell.Welcome, New Hive City graduating class of 9:15.That concludes our ceremonies And begins your career at Honex Industries!Will we pick our job today?I heard it's just orientation.Heads up! Here we go.Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times.Wonder what it'll be like?A little scary.Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group.This is it!Wow.Wow.We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life.Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to The Hive.Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey!That girl was hot.She's my cousin!She is?Yes, we're all cousins.Right. You're right.At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence.These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology.What do you think he makes?Not enough.Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman.What does that do?Catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it.Saves us millions.Can anyone work on the Krelman?Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones.But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot.But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life.The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that.What's the difference?You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years.So you'll just work us to death?We'll sure try.Wow! That blew my mind!"What's the difference?"How can you say that?One job forever?That's an insane choice to have to make.I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life.But, Adam, how could they never have told us that?Why would you question anything? We're bees.We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth.You ever think maybe things work a little too well here?Like what? Give me one example.I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about.Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach.Wait a second. Check it out.Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!Wow.I've never seen them this close.They know what it's like outside The Hive.Yeah, but some don't come back.Hey, Jocks!Hi, Jocks!You guys did great!You're monsters!You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!I wonder where they were.I don't know.Their day's not planned.Outside The Hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what.You can't just decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that.Right.Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime.It's just a status symbol.Bees make too much of it.Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it.Those ladies?Aren't they our cousins too?Distant. Distant.Look at these two." I'm so proud of him 🥰

I love when people pull the bullshit about their kid's first word because my kid's first word was "quack" because I was making a duck bill out of two pringles stuck in my mouth and I was so surprised I inhaled them and coughed for an hour.

All these stories are true, I was there clapping

That pen pal one is so funny because he could've said, "oh, it was a pen pal service you sent the letters to, to protect everyone's privacy." But instead my guy just goes with amnesia.

damn that’s crazy. i’m 2 months old, and my adoptive half-lizard son’s first words were “mother i require another container filled with lactose substance” he also keeps saying “this mortal body is limiting” he’s so adorable

"pull the plug pull the plug!"
"what do you mean, she's not even on life support."
"well then put her on life support and THEN pull the plug."
That will always be the funniest skit Kurtis has ever made to me.

I have a feeling security cameras in classrooms is a very American thing, so I'm not surprised Kurtis hasn't heard of it happening

I’m 14 years old and my 16 year old daughter just said her first words after I gave her her first beer and she said “The government is corrupt” she’s only 5

One of my unfertilized eggs just said to me "Mother, I have decided after much deliberation that I desire to create commentary videos on the internet website known as 'PLclip' when I grow up" and then proceeded to recite the entirety of every Kurtis Conner video from memory. I'm so proud.

my niece actually only said "mom" for about a year until she did bust out with "can we go outside?" it was like looking at an alien, my sister had set up an appointment to have her tested because she was almost 3 before she said mom. some kids just dont want to talk until they want to

My school had cameras in the classrooms but they weren’t watched constantly. If anything, they were looked at after something happened, like a fight or theft.

I’m with Kurtis on everything except the “first words are a sentence” thing. My uncle didn’t speak until he was around 2 years old and his first words were essentially “can you pass the salt, please?” I don’t know if he was practicing when he was alone or something but that’s the family lore. He’s also a very strange and off-putting man, so it’s totally in character for him to pull that creepy shit

everybody gangster until kurtis almost leaves us extra-greetingless

I was doing chores around the house while babysitting my little sister. She's 6months old btw. While I was washing my couch, suddenly, I heard my sister said "iridocyclitis" I'm so proud of 🥲🥲

You know it‘s a God Blessed story when it ends with “and everybody clapped”.

Yes Kurtis, my school has security cameras in every class. The cameras are streamed to the staff room, atleast what I've seen.

Our school actually had security cameras installed a few years back. We also had security guards for the gates. The person infront of the cameras wasn't a guard though, it was one the teachers and eventually a former teacher from a different school. He was sort of like the "deputy" of the disciplinary council. Brought the trouble makers in to talk and take to the principal. The cameras were mostly used to make sure kids don't use phones during class time, but it was kinda weird at the start.

me: *wakes up from surgery*
me: where's kurtis?
doctor: who do you think gave you the extra greeting?
me: :,(

"phones don't belong in schools"
My teacher literally every lesson: bring out your phones please

"To baby, or not to baby? That is the question."
-Kurtis Connor
I'm laughing so hard at this. My humor is broken 😂

I feel like they’re trolling, there is no way these people lack that level of self-awareness. I refuse to believe it.

these remind me of when you lie to your friends on the 3rd grade playground so they think your life is cool

My childs first words were actually: "Father, I find it saddening that our fellow human beeings feel so inadequate about themselves that they wouldn`t even lie about something they themselves accomplished but that they have to live out success through obvious make belief about their offspring."
So yeah. Looking for an exorcist.

Is he not gonna mention the fact that even if the trombone did some how transmit those words into the text thingy, there was no way it would have gotten posted?

I remember being really resistant to having a cell phone at school, but that's because the concept of being available 24/7 was still new, it was intended for emergency use, and also I was one of those indie kids who took things way too far and got all sanctimonious about any sort of new trend. It was pre-smartphone times, too. So really the conditions for a teenager not wanting a cell phone at school is if they're pretentious and the phone is a brick that only the parents have the number to. The list of very good reasons to keep a phone at school has grown exponentially by the year. It takes a pretty garbage parent to prioritize their kid not texting in class over their child being left isolated during a school crisis.

The first words thing is actually something that can happen, usually amongst those on the autistic spectrum. They've probably embellished with the details though as most stories tend to.

For the closet one: Aren’t most closets too small to get dressed in there without making noise? Not everyone has a luxurious walk-in closet Kurtis 🤭

kurtis turning his jokes into long-extended skits for EACH JOKE is what makes him the best channel on this app

my sons first words were literally "this feeling
.... its like the floor is collapsing, like the sky is falling down upon you, this feeling of despair! " hes so smart #proud #keepinghope 🥺💗🌸💐🌷🌺🥰😍😘

I love the moment he realizes how terrible his jokes are.

we have security cameras in our classrooms, but no one would be able to watch them all at the same time, no one watches them at all, they record the classes so you could go back and watch the tapes in case something bad happens the cameras are almost never accessed. They dont have a live feed, you'd have to be pretty childish and/or stupid to think a security guard would be watching only your camera on a recording camera.

I can just imagine the daughter opens her eyes, and they're sharingan.
"You've fallen for my genjutsu, father."

I like how he glossed over the fact that one-year-olds can’t really talk

"That's Mr. Pibb, so you're going to hell. If it was Dr. Pepper, you'd have a one way ticket to heaven." Finally! Someone gets it! Kurtis, I love you!

One time I was so lonely, my cat walked on two of her legs and hugged me she also told me"that it's okay to be alone since at the end of the day we're all lonely creatures ridden with thoughts that plague us" thank you kitty

To be fair, I took a long time to talk and doctors were concerned about me but I suddenly started speaking in full sentences. I obviously didn’t make that much sense, but it does happen (according to my parents)

my least believable story is probably that my dad found out he was related to his nextdoor neighbor because she had a picture of one of his relatives (shared relative) in her house LOL they still stay in touch

imagine if kurtis' middle name was fred. his initials would be kfc

I was 3 and my 8 year old daughter had to surgery at the facetune hospital because a crab spat in her mouth. Now she has very detailed teeth :D

9:23 “we should probably go grocery shopping later” is such a ‘what do grown-ups talk about’ default fake sentence lmao
Like it doesn’t sound too unrealistic at first but that’s a topic starting sentence and it’s so vague a normal person would respond with something like “okay when do you want to leave” instead of just “👍”
Also I’m not married but I don’t think spouses usually go grocery shopping together either

The first one was meant to be a lie but its still hilarious 🤣

10:59 schools do have security cameras, but I don't think they're monitored at all times. Their n just for stuff like if someone breaks in or something.

*girl wakes up after surgery*
“where’s kurtis conner?”
“he didn’t tell you?”
“what?”
“who do you think gave you the facetune eyes?”

I mean, my family has the "first sentence" kid but he was like nearly 3. He said Nothing until near 3, getting by pointing and shouting. It was really simple, just "I want juice." Not some long ass shit. So while the details of that story give it away as a lie, the phenomenon isn't unheard of, buts its usually due to the kid surviving non verbally till an older age.

He loves his viewers so much he forgot to guilt trip them for not subscribing, YAY.

imagine having a well paying job as an aquarium manager and quitting just because a fish spit on you

Had metal detectors in my middle school in Milwaukee and cameras. When I moved up north it was weird how open everything was then some issues happened and they started having cameras at the doors. You had to buzz in.

True story my first words were "I not stink!" In response to my dad telling my mom she needed to change me cuz I apparently stunk🤣😂

I'm so proud of my pet dog. She just learned to juggle and Irish dance, all while singing the entire of KSI's new album. She also learned how to shape shift into a motorbike and fly to every country.

I fed my uncle and then he shrank to the size of my toe, but don’t worry I paid off his debt a year from now

i laughed so hard i choked on the tea ive been drinking I swear I'm not lying lmao

Fun Fact about Kurtis: He was born wearing a nose ring and a necklace.

I actually came out of the womb talking. I asked my mom wtf she thought she was doing lying down. Then I made the doctor give me $200 and I went to the strip club and bought half lap dances for everyone just to blue ball every one.

"Wireless earbuds are too expensive!" Me listing thru my wireless earbuds: I totally agree

15:18 that stuff was definitely not true but my son didn't talk at all until a couple months after he turned 2 and really did start speaking full sentences, but not like the crazy shit they posted. More like "gotta go pee dada" or "I love you" or "I want-" whatever food he wanted. So the people could've just exaggerated what happened

With 3 or 4 years that first story could be true. My nephew was so sad I had to leave because I had to work. And then his parents said "we all have to work" - he insisted he wants to work now, too :D

omg guys🥺🥺my newborn dad just graduated Harvard in Europe i’m such a proud sister😊😊

thanks for all the laughs, Kurtis!

My middle school had enough in the budget for 1 security guard and 2 cameras (both of them being in major hallways) so our school was the least secure thing ever

My school had tons of cameras and the receptionists in the front office, guidance office and all other staff offices where people worked had receptionists looking at the security cams. 🤷🏻‍♀️ so it’s not always security guards, we had one officer on site.

I actually started to talk in full sentences from zero words. But I wasn’t as eloquent of course as the babies in this post. Based on talking to guys in my support group, it happens with autistic children sometimes 🤷‍♀️

"Pull the plug!" "Shes not even on life support. There is no plug to pull." "Then put her on life support and pull the plug."
One of my favorite lines, probably ever

When I was 1 I definitely full on cussed out a doctor that took my stitches out with no anesthetic.

for the "toddler saying first words that are a whole sentence" that is actually a thing that sometimes happens to kids who are autistic. they don't say anything until they understand how to speak well enough to say a full sentence.

When I was in high school, there was this guy who ran cross country and apparently was really good at it, so over the summer (between my junior and senior year, summer of 2004) he got sent to Australia to run in some race or something.
He came back to school and told everyone this wild story and expected everyone to believe him:
He was out at a surf competition, naturally impressing everyone around when he got attacked by a shark that ripped his legs off. He got his legs sewed back on (somehow the dark was more interested in sabotaging his race than actually eating) and within a week, he was running this cross country race through the Australian bush. He of course was ahead in the race but dropped back when he saw another guy laying on a rock who was dehydrated and also got punched by a kangaroo (who he, the storyteller, beat up) put the passed/punched out guy over his shoulders and kept running only to win the race, way ahead of everyone else.
He told this story with such confidence and vigor that it was almost sad to see.

That security guard bit was exactly how my sleep paralysis dreams start…

omg im so proud of my lizard 😭 she got on her tail and started singing amazing grace at my weird uncles funeral 💞

Even if the fish story was real, the manager is right. Eating a cookie could definitely make the fish really sick or even kill it

the toddlers speaking in full sentences is actually a thing lol... i was a late talker, and apparently my first coherent words were "i NOT sit down." my mom's first words were "i want more cake, please." some kids are just like that lol 🤣

15:16 I have a brother that doesn't talk at the right time.
That's an absolute lie. He's right now learning if an object is over or under the table after 1 year of therapy. And I'm not exaggerating.

"And I think I would.. BE MURDERED if I didn't do them."
Watch the whole of Kurtistown pull up with weapons. We let it slide once, but not twice.

“I think I’d be murdered if I didn’t do an extra greeting.” You got that right #kurtisconnerisoverparty

I have always been told that my first words were a sentence, "I wanna get out!" I was in a pool. And it was my first birthday. We're my parents lying to me? Lol 😂😂😂

Can you imagine being the person that ends up in these videos but the story is actually true?

15:20 Hey that actually happens here and there, at least for kids that are about three years old or so that haven't talked before. I think it's especially common among some autistic kids, but I don't think that's always the case.

11:05 You're not wrong. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's illegal to have cameras in classrooms in the US (or at least some parts). I'm not 100% sure though.

I’m 14 years old and my daughters first words were “all lives matter” so I gave her up for adoption, she was 6

My 1yo grandson spent his life's savings on a new car for me. Everyone at the dealership clapped when he said, "I'm so fortunate to have the perfect grandmother!" (it was his 1st sentence)!! Then he did backflips all the way home.

Lying on the internet for no reason seems so fun

I used to love guitar and bass for rock sounds, and cello and organ for weirder, out there epic compositions.. but that was then. Now my soul belongs to THIS trombone. It's just.. ineffable

This morning my dog stood up and said "they'll never believe you." IM NOT LYING!!!

Kurtis’ skits are the funniest thing ever:
“To baby or not to baby” 😂😂

Yesterday my 2 year old kitten ate a whole uncooked hot dog and I took him to the hospital but no doctors where available so I did cpr and saved his life. The whole ward started clapping and David Attenborough gave me an award from the queen 🦀🔥❤️

I laughed way too hard when you said "i was at a aquarium" LOL. "uh uh"

Most definitely, my schools had a security camera in each class center of the crawling, that made it so hard to relax, but at least the bathrooms didnt

This video reminds me of the time my mom yelled at my sister for spilling juice and all my 5 alexas turned on and yelled at my MOM!!!! it was so crazy! my mom ran away crying and everyone in my house clapped for the alexas!! even my uncle!

“Put her on life support and pull the plug”
I’m using this as a threat

One time when i was a sophomore the teacher yelled at me for not doing homework…. I told her to shove it and the entire class slow clapped after i dropped the mic

Honestly, I had a pen pal and didn't know they were in the same neighborhood as me. The only reason I didn't know was because I was never taught how zip codes worked from anyone and I never looked up what they were until we met each other. Obviously, it wasn't for 30 years, and it was when I was a teenager, but it's interesting people lie about that stuff lol.

That whole *first word* thing is actually very real. I spoke my first words around 2 years old, and it was pretty much the exact same sentence in that Facebook post. I am being a 100 percent real here.

I didn't start talking until about two and a half, according to my parents. My first words were 'tie dye' followed by 'trick or treat' (my mom was carrying me while my older siblings trick or treated). It's actually possible for babies who talk late to say longer words, Einstein was an example of this, for real. But whole sentences? Yeah no.

My son was only a week old when he said "never gonna give you up,never gonna let you down,never gonna run around and desert you,never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye,never gonna tell a lie and hurt you" everyone in the neighborhood clapped.

3:06, no 1-year-old baby wouldn't be able to talk that fluently, like- ffs

“I don’t even know if schools have security cameras” Watch out folks we’ve got a Canadian over here

2 years later-I would’ve loved to go to that comedy show lol 😂

Actually, it's uncommon but some kids do wait until they can form a simple sentence. I didn't, I was vomiting up single words as soon as I knew what they meant like a normal kid, but my sister went straight from not talking to very basic sentences. And it WAS a little startling for Mom, lol.

I still can't believe how hilarious this dude is "Pull the plug" "She isn't on life support, there's no plug to pull" "Well put her on life support and then pull the plug"